Christians are straight up FREAKS
In America we eat man semen.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
