haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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