It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
