I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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