Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize