dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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