I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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