Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
