You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
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