i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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