You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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