I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
