Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
