Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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