girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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