Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
