i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
