If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
