I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
