my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
only if we run a train.
done.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
