THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
