even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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