Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
