You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
