Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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