Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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