Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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