a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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