This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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