the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
