I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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