When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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