My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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