More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He better not be in your backpack
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
