So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
