He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
