Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
