At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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