I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
