When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Damn victory sex feels great
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
