youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i've created a new STD.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
