MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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