I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
