you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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