i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
