i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
