He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
