And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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