so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize