I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
