What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
