My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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