DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
