apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
