I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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