The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
