just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
