it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
