This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
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If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
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Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.