I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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