Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after