If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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