Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
