Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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