yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
