my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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